So this rain cloud that has been over my families head for so many years is getting very annoying!!! It seems like things start to look up for us and then we get hit and we usually get hit pretty hard. The saying when it rains it pours has and still is very true for my family. I don't know how we all still stay so positive when it seems like this cloud won't leave or give us a break. Granted we do have good times and we are all very blessed in many ways. I just have a "poor pity" me feeling going on lately. I see all this GREAT happening to so many people around me, even when they don't deserve it and we don't seem to be catching any breaks. I know they say we will be rewarded in heaven but seriously.... How can you think the positive all the time and keep telling yourself it will all turn out and be worth it when you can't catch a break on anything. Bad things happen one after another after another. We have had worse years (1996 was a REALLY bad one) but this last 2 years has been very trying on me and my family.

My favorite man in the whole world has been struggling health wise. It started with his eyes, moved to his head and now he has shingles.... I wish there was more I could do for him, the same thought I had for my Uncle who lives in Kansas. I was talking to my Grandpa this morning and he stated he doesn't have anyone to help rub the calimine lotion on his back so he is very itchy.... It is sad I wish I was closer so I could help him when he needs it. I know he loves his independance but I hate him being so far away (again the same feeling I have about my Uncle). It is hard for me to see my family struggling.... I feel so helpless.

On a partial upside Scott and I will be celebrating our 7 year anniversay on the 17th of this month. WOW 7 years may not seem long to some but for me this is a HUGE step.... It has been very hard, very rewarding, happy, sad and a struggle. There has been good and bad, happy and sad. If we make it 7 more I will be even more amazed.... Marriage and kids (or marriage with kids) is very challenging... I don't know how people make it. I can understand why the divorce rate is so high. I can see how giving up is ALOT easier then struggling through day after day. Yes, marriage is rewarding and I love Scott and the kids but it is SO HARD 85% of the time. I am such a "brat", selfish and very spoiled. I don't know how anyone can deal with me. Scott has been great for 8 years but I am sure it is wearing on him. Kids and money seem to be tearing us further and further apart. I really hope we can make it through but I have never belived in forever and I still don't. So for now, I will live for today, and pretend my life is bliss. I will pretend the black cloud is blowing away and that the light at the end of tunnel is actually sunlight. This month I will strive to be positive and "pretend" my life is bliss....May is SUCH a hard month for me but I am going to be optomistic that it will be GREAT....

So here is me living in bliss pretending all is good :)